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Which, I guarantee you, Hyperion isn’t gonna let YOU anywhere near!” The brown-haired man said, clearly teasing the young girl. It’s all gonna be the same unless you get up to the engine. The man next to her, dressed in army fatigues, spoke up.

“When are we gonna find something interesting?” She moaned. “And here we have … more seating! Hooray.” She said, the last word being emitted as though she were deflating from boredom. Even though my vision isn’t great without my glasses, I could still see the light bouncing off it and the fact that it was steely grey. She was motioning with her left hand in a grandiose manner. I put my face in my hands and mumbled to myself, “Oh Waffle Jesus, I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore, am I?” Before I could further the conversation between myself and Maya, the train door to my right opened.Ī girl who could hardly be any older than me walked in, her bright red hair in pigtails. “I don’t think there are any more stops between here and where we’re going, so it’s going to be a while before you can get turned back around.” Should be an interesting time.” Maya’s gaze turned apologetic. We’re answering Handsome Jack’s call for Vault Hunters. “Oh, you fell asleep and missed your stop, huh? Well, this train is now southbound to Hyperion HQ. Maya seems slightly taken aback by the question, but recovered quickly. “So, where exactly … am I?” I asked, pulling an earbud out of my ear. Whatever that means.” Maya said, turning her attention back to me. Maya turned her attention to the giant for just a moment. I winced, the volume hurting even though I still had my earbuds in and playing music. “ WASH-ING-TON AND JEFF-ER-SON AND ROOS-E-VELT AND LIN-COLN!” He bellowed in a sing-song manner. I’m Dakota.” The giant beside me seemed determined to help drive the Sandman away with his volume. Scooting just enough to get his axe-saw-not-something-I-want-anywhere-near-me-THING out of my ribs, I then mumbled a response. I found its owner to have a striking bob of blue hair and steely blue eyes, which looked back at me like I wasn’t sitting next to a giant of muscle and death. Turning my gaze, I looked in the direction of the voice. He’s a Psycho, but I don’t think he means any harm. You do you then-” I started, but was cut off by a feminine voice from directly across the row.

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The giant then looked down at me and seemingly unimpeded by the gas mask he was wearing, bellowed at full volume, “ THE SUN IS PISSING IN MY EYES AND I WANT TO CRUSH IT WITH MY TEETH!” The arm holding said axe-saw-thing was covered in dried gore, wet gore, and sufficient blood to nearly be dripping.

Moving my gaze slightly to look at what was poking me in the side, I found it to be the unholy baby of an axe and a buzz saw. I looked to my left and gaped as I saw a tower of unbridled muscle. It was November! At this time of day the sun should be behind all the trees! My earbuds were still pumping familiar music into my ears, but everything else around me had changed. The bright sun I could feel beating down on my eyelids certainly wasn’t making it easy to return to the land of dreams.

I was enjoying my nap when I felt the seat next to me suddenly gain a LARGE occupant and something began to poke me in the ribs.